Being Polite: Part One

There are several times in my life where social obligations make it necessary for me to be polite to people, despite their complete stupidity. In reality I have to say things like, "I'm so sorry," when really the person needs to hear something like, "Maybe you should try thinking before speaking. Or just try thinking at all." There are a few moments that I can think of in particular.

For those of you that don't know, Dunkin Donuts, Starbucks, and Tim Horton's are actually three different stores, owned by three different companies. I know, your mind was just blown. Well that never stopped people from ordering things like "Tim Bits," while I was at Dunkin. One time I was taking orders over the drive-thru when I had a girl come through. Here was that conversation:

Welcome to Dunkin Donuts, how may I help you today?

Yes, um, can I have a Carmel Frappacinno?

I'm sorry, the Frappuccino is a signature trademark of Starbucks. We don't sell them here. May I interest you in our Carmel Coolata?

But I want a Carmel Frappuccinno!

...I'm sorry, but we do not sell them here.

Can't you just take your blender and make one? It's my friend's Birthday!

No I can't, I'm sorry.

Ugh whatever, you guys are so unhelpful!

Sorry for the inconvenience. 

I actually shorted this conversation quite a bit. There was much more back and forth between us, with me trying to explain that we don't sell Frappuccino's. Now, if social obligation hadn't required me to be nice to this girl, this is how the conversation would have gone:

What do you want?

Yes, um, can I have a Carmel Frappuccinno?

This is Dunkin Donuts. I only tell you this because clearly you can't read, since Dunkin labels literally every available surface with their name on it. Starbucks is the one for that overpriced drink. Do you want our version of an equally overpriced drink?

But I want a Carmel Frappuccinno!

Please leave this store and never converse with me again. I only talk to considerate people with an IQ that is larger than my dogs.

Can't you just take your blender and make one? It's my friend's Birthday!

It doesn't matter if her very life depends on that drink. I can't make your Frap-a-whatever because 1) We don't have a blender here. 2) We don't have the ingredients here. 3) I don't know how to make that drink because, WE DON'T SELL THAT DRINK!

Ugh whatever, you guys are so unhelpful!

It's people like you that really make me worry about society sometimes.

 Check in for more stories about America's finest that don't deserve the respect that I give them.

On my ipod today: "Step Into Christmas" by Elton John. Ahhh I just love Christmas music, and I love this song!!

Surprise!

I know, I know. I'm the scum of the Earth for not posting in so long. Here is a list of really weak excuses as to why:

1) I have a 15 page paper due soon and a 8 page paper due soon as well. Blah.

2) It's Thanksgiving Break. Basically, I'm home realizing with every passing second that there is absolutely no way I am moving back home after I graduate college. I would rather live in the most inhabitable apartment, eating a spoon of peanut butter every night, than move back here. In other words I've been rather uninspired by my current environment.

3) Just tired in generally. Life is stressful. That's just an fyi for those of you that haven't been living up until this point.

So onto my story! Recently I had my 21st Birthday. Although they caused me many headaches leading up to my Birthday, my friends surprised me by coming over on my Birthday. It reminded me of my more naive years when I turned 15. My mom through a surprise party for me that year too. Can't say it was my shining moment of intelligence. Here's what happened:
 

I was at a friends house for the morning and early afternoon. We were chatting and doing whatever 15 year old girls do, when...

CLUE #1) ...she mentioned buying my Birthday gift.

She quickly patched it up by saying she meant when she buys my Birthday gift. I've always been one to take people at their word, for better or for worse, so I didn't question her slip of the tongue.

So later that afternoon she said she wanted to go swimming.

CLUE #2) She claimed to have a membership at a hotel that allowed her to use their pool for recreation. I had never heard of such a thing, but again, I take people at their word. It really gets me into trouble sometimes.

When we get there, obviously we had to change into out bathing suits.

CLUE #3) My friend claimed that the changing room was actually four flights above the level of where the pool was. Not only this, it was in a random, unmarked room, that looked like any other hotel room. Yes, I believed all of this. So I go into the elevator with her, she presses the forth floor and when the elevator doors open we start walking around the hotel, looking for some room. 

At this point my suspicions were surfacing. Why on Earth would the hotel make the changing room in such a random place, not even marked with signs! But my suspicion wasn't enough to actually voice them. My friend seemed so sure of where she was going.

When we got to the room my friend...

CLUE #4) ...knocked on the door.

I thought, "How weird. A changing room that had to be open from the inside by people." Not long after she knocked, the door flung open and the people inside shouted, "SURPRISE!" Only I didn't actually hear them say that. All I heard was "AGGHAAIIGIEHHG!" 

So naturally my first instinct was that my friend had gotten the wrong room. She thought this was the changing room, but actually it was some family's room and they were yelling at her to go away! I pulled my friends arm and started backing away, with a terrified and apologetic look on my face.

My friend looked at me weird and said, "What are you doing?" I looked at her like she was crazy. Couldn't she see that these people were really pissed off that she had gotten the wrong room? Why on Earth was she pulling me closer to these insane people? 

It wasn't until that point that I actually looked at the people yelling to see that they were my family and friends. I was very happy that they had done this for me, but at the same time I was so surprised I had to sit down on the couch for a while. When I told them why I initially tired to get away, they laughed for about an hour. Can't have a normal surprise party of course.

On my ipod today: Today begins my Christmas music! Everyday starting today the music on my ipod will be Chistmas music, and you will love this fact. "Christmas Savajevo" by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. So. Epically. Awesome. Christmas music and bad-ass orchestra in one. Life complete.

Just no...

Sorry I haven't posted lately. Seems life likes to tease me by giving me nothing one week and then giving everything to do the next.

There are certain things I have been noticing lately that I just have to say no to. Really, just no.

Ugg boots and leggings: Let me break this down for you. It is either cold enough to wear ugg boots, or it is warm enough to only wear leggings instead of pants. It is never both. I hate both of these things on their own, but together they make me want to go up to people and say "You are aware of what you are wearing, right?" If you feel compelled to walk out the door like that, just no.

Belly sweatshirts: There has been a growing phenomenon where girls are buying sweatshirts that show off your belly. Again, this confuses me because it is either warm enough to wear a belly shirt, or cold enough to wear a sweatshirt. Never once in my life did I ever feel, "Dang my arms are so cold but my stomach is so hot! I wish there was a piece of really ugly clothing that could solve this problem..." If you feel compelled to buy such a thing, just no.

People who complain about their school: Now I understand, every college has their annoying things. The administration sucks, there is that one professor that is known for making kids cry, you're pretty sure that eating the food is taking years off of your life, ect. But what I don't like is the people that continually bash every aspect of their school. In case this is news to any of you, you don't have to be here! Leave. Really, I guarantee you, no one will care. I'm sure you are just taking the place of someone who would actually love the opportunity to learn and further their education.

People who stop in doorways: I thought I would be done with this problem after high school because I naively assumed that college students wouldn't be as dumb as to stand in the door way. So wrong. Just yesterday as I was attempting to leave class a girl stopped in the door way, turned to say to her friend, "I'll just meet you right here!" I really wanted to respond to her, "Perfect! I've always wanted to spend the rest of my life inside of this classroom. But you know, I don't think the rest of the class would agree with me, so would you mind moving for their sake?" If you need to talk to someone while in a doorway, just no.

Harassing the professor in the middle of class: I really hate those students that sit and quiz the professor on everything in front of the class. It makes everyone uncomfortable and really is just a waste of everyone's time also. What I really want to do in these situations is say to them, "Hey do you have a PhD? No? Then shut up." I know you think that you are smarter than the professor but just, no.

Saying you didn't like the book, even though you've never read it: I really have an issue with people that claim they didn't like the book, even though they only read about a chapter. In 11th grade I remember having to read 1984 by George Orwell, and I loved it. We had to read it over a break, so I came back expecting everyone else to share my enthusiasm. Much to my surprise almost the entire class claimed to "hate the book" and they "couldn't even make it past the first chapter." Now how on Earth could you know whether or not you actually like or dislike a book if you have never finished reading it? It makes no sense.

"I don't read the books, I just watch the movies.": I'll never understand why this statement is said with such pride by some people. It is not a positive thing.You should be embarrassed by this fact, not proud of it. The Harry Potter movies seem to be especially atune to this issue. "I love Harry Potter!" "Really, me too! Which book is your favorite?" "Oh I don't read the books, I just watch the movies. Hahahaha" Oh yeah, hahaha. You now represent all that is wrong with society, congratulations. 

That person that says they hate something right after you excitedly say you love it: I'll never forget the time in 11th grade when I got my brand new hot pink razor cell phone. They were all the rage at the time and I was super exicted because it was pink! I was showing it off to my friends in the lunchroom saying "And it's pink! I love it!" when all of the sudden one of them says, "I hate razor phones. They are a waste." Really? Do people not understand how incredible rude it is to do that? If you feel the need to bring someone down like that, just no.

Girls that wear next to nothing in the winter to go out: I know they are only doing it to attract guys, but I just want to why any guy would find that attractive? I feel like instead of admiring her legs, he should be thinking, "Damn, she was stupid enough to go outside in a miniskirt when its snowing out? Definitely not for me." Unfortunately to say that guy think like that would be giving them too much credit.

I have more, but I think that is good for now. Stay unnormal my friends!

On my ipod today: "Lets Go to the Mall" Robin Sparkles. hehe <3

Foreign Languages

So much to my disliking, I have to take a foreign language in order to earn my degree. Why? Because I wasn't good enough at German back in high school, so now I am forced to learn French in college. I'm not sure what the reasoning is behind this. "Oh hey, she wasn't smart enough to learn another language in high school, so lets make her learn another language in even more difficult academic setting. That will surely end well!"

I love the very first day of my French class last year. The professor made us stand up in front of the class, say our name, year, and why we decided to take French. If she was looking for honesty my answer would have been, "Only, and I mean only, because I have to." I think that would have crushed her soul though because she was from France and the longer she stayed in America, the more she seemed to love France.

This semester I have to deal with a completely unrealistic professor. He will randomly call on people to answer questions, and if you don't know the answer he will just sit there and stare at you, waiting for you to figure it out. The only problem is this isn't a math class. You can stare at me all you want, but I am not going to be suddenly endowed with what the word "tomorrow" is in French from the foreign language Gods up above. You can stare and stare and stare, but I'm not going to suddenly figure it out somehow. You either know it, or you don't. So please leave me alone.

He also speaks only in French. I know, it's good to hear the language and yatta yatta. The thing is, that most Americans don't even know the grammar rules of our own language, so trying to teach us another languages grammar rules, while speaking that language, essentially gets you nowhere. He is always confused as to why we are lost. It's a mystery clearly.

I always feel like a child in foreign language classes. Mostly because my "essays" read like something you would write in first grade. They also make me sound completely egocentric because I can't really redirect the topic to anything other than relating to myself.

"My name is Jessica. I am 20 years old. I go to school. I do homework. I meet with friends on the weekend. I eat pizza a lot. It tastes good. I like to run. It is fun. I like to dance. It is also fun. I have a dog. My dog is named Cuddles. I have two cats. My cats are named Snickers and Butterscotch. I have a sister. My sisters name is Emily...." ect. I think you get the point.

Foreign language professors also always completely shocked when you can't remember something that you learned months ago. "Why can't you remember the word for a homeless person in French? We went over that three chapters ago!" Well maybe because the word for a homeless person is not use regularly in my vocabulary. Yes this actually happened to me. The professor was amazed that no one in the class could remember. I was taught the word for homeless person, but I still don't know what the word for basic things are like plate or hand.

So for all of you that are fluent in another language I applaud you because I will never be you. 

On my ipod today: "Smooth" by Santana. Stuck in my head all day yesterday. Luckily it's an awesome song.

Tripping: Part Three

 Work: I knew it was only a matter of time before I fell down at work one day. We literally run around like chickens with our heads cut off trying to complete orders as fast as possible. We do all of this while carrying hot beverages in our hands. I'm too accident prone for this type of setting. But the good news is that I actually kind of like this story because while I may have fallen down, I do show off some ninja moves as well.

The place I used to work at was known for spilling things all of the time. It just came with carrying around drinks all of the time while people ran around you. Since we spilled so often, the store became very efficient at cleaning up a mess in record time. Spills don't even cause a commotion. Someone just yells out "spill!" and before you can look at where it is, there is someone with a mop and bucket cleaning it up.

So on this one particular day at work, there was an air-show going on literally right across the street from the fast food place I worked at. It also happened to be close to 90 outside, so all day we were extremely busy. This was the second day of the air show, and since I had also worked nonstop for 12 hours the day before for the first day of the air-show, I was getting to be really tired partly through the day. 

The store is the fullest I have ever seen it before. There are people backed up to outside of the store waiting to get in. It was absolute chaos. People were hot and tired and for some reason they felt this gave them a right to treat everyone working there like crap. They were very impatient, so I tried to work as quickly as I could. Never piss of hot, tired, and fat customers. They are the worst. 

There were so many people coming in and out, we couldn't stock our products fast enough. I was constantly going into the backroom to get various items that kept running out. At one point my manager asked me to go back and get another tray of glazed donuts. So I did, and somewhere between the point of my going into the backroom and coming back, one of my coworkers had managed to both spill something, and clean it up, before I got back.

So I'm carrying this tray of donuts and of course I slipped on the extremely slippery tile floor that was recently mopped. All of the donuts went flying straight up into the air. I actually fell on my butt instead of my face for once, so I could see all of the donuts hanging in the air around me. I took my tray and tried to save as many as possible. 

What is the first thing that my coworker says to me after all of this? Not, "Are you okay?" but rather, "That was amazing! You managed to save all of those donuts except for two! How did you do that?!" The entire store stopped to stare at me. I guess the customers didn't know they would be getting a dinner and a show that day. It's good to know that when it comes down to it, I will always try to save the food no matter how much my butt hurts. I learned something about myself that day.

On my ipod today: Today is really a parody. "Shoot A Russian Unicorn" by A Bad Lip Reading. It's hilarious and everyone needs a smile today I feel like :)

Tripping: Part Two

College Freshmen English Class: The more I write, the more I have come to realize that many of my embarrassing stories come from English course related things. I should be more careful in these settings.

I was in this one English class freshmen year of college that was an introductory course. It was a basic "how you read and interpret literature" class taught by an extremely old professor. He was old school in everything he did. He would often tell us about how his son bought him a cell phone, but he never used it because he couldn't figure out how to turn it on. My guess was that it really just needed to be charged, but no one in the class ever tried to help him out. Personal experience has taught me that you should always avoid situations of trying to teach old people technology.

So as part of this introductory course, we had to go to the library during one class to learn how to research. Since he knew that people would be inclined to skip this class, our professor made it mandatory to go to it. If not, he would take points off of your grade.

Well being the nerd that I am, I always get to class early. I knew that my class started at 10:30 so I started up the hill for the library around 10:15. I was about half way up the hill when I realized my class didn't start at 10:30, it started at 10. I have absolutely no idea why I got the time wrong on that particular day, but that's what happened. So of course I start booking it up the hill and by the time I got to the top I was extremely over heated and took my coat off. 

So I'm carrying my coat in my arms with my backpack bobbing up and down on my back as I speed walk around the library trying to find the right room. When I finally get there, I notice that the only seats available are those that require me to walk all the way across the room. Of course everyone was staring at me because basically anything in the world is more exciting that learning how to research things. But more than anyone in the room I could feel my professors eyes burning into me with all of the disgust known to mankind.

I'm so flustered and embarrassed that I don't really watch where I am walking. I proceeded to trip over someone's backpack lying on the ground , sending both my coat and backpack flying into the air in front of me, as I landed straight on my face. Up until this point the librarian had been ignoring my presence, despite the fact that everyone was staring at me instead of her. But I made such a commotion falling down that she had to stop her lecture to make sure I was alright before continuing on. There was no laughter at this fall. Just stunned silence. I think it was way worse. I just kept smiling away as if nothing had happen. It was really my only option.

Happy 11/11/11! I hope all of your wishes come true because you deserve to have all of your wishes come true <3

On my ipod today: "Turning Tables" by Adele. Anyone who makes fun of Adele for being overweight should go crawl up into a hole in the ground and stay there because society no longer wants you. Adele is an extremely talented poet and singer and deserves our admiration, not criticism.

Tripping: Part One

I trip a lot. I'm not unlike many people in this way, however for me tripping and falling down usually occur in an extremely public setting. Off the top of my head I can think of three major instances, excluding the one mentioned in Grace (or lack there of). I will therefore make this a three part post. Check in the next few days for the other two stories. 

9th Grade Freshman Soccer Game: I was never the greatest soccer player. I suppose I just lacked the aggression necessary to mercilessly barrel through troves of people in order to get a ball into net. I was often yelled at by my coach for apologizing to the people I ran into or accidentally knocked down. "Stop apologizing! You're SUPPOSED to run into people sometimes!" 

Subsequently, I often found myself sitting on the bench. Not that I would tell any of my family members this, but I preferred the bench.  There was too much pressure on the field. It often felt like whenever I was put into the game, it was a question of when I would mess up, not if.

So of course during this one particular game I was sitting on the bench as normal. Now whenever I lose interest in something, or have something important on my mind, I tend to let my mind completely wonder to the point where I forget where I am or what I'm doing. I can't remember what I was thinking about during this particular game, but I can tell you this- it wasn't the soccer game.

While I am completely in my own world, I hear my coach yell my name, telling me to start warming up. It came as surprise to me because I wasn't really paying attention to anything around me at the time. So this put me in such a panic that I tried to take off my sweatpants and stand up at the same time. I got a few steps before completely landing on my face.

The game must have been more boring than I thought, because at that point all of the parents there burst into laughter, with my parents being the loudest. They started laughing so loudly, that the game stopped for half a second. Luckily both teams were too concerned that the other team would take advantage of the sudden stop in play, so they both got back into the game fairly quickly. Unfortunately, this didn't erase the fact that I had just created a spectacle out of myself in front of an entire audience. Can't fall down in the locker room trying to get my sweatpants off. No, I have to do it in front of an entire crowd of people.
 

On my ipod today: "Passerby" by Dispatch. I love songs that make you think.

Comebacks

Anyone who knows me knows that I can be a bit blunt about how I feel about things. I'm not afraid to say what I'm thinking. What most people don't know is that many times, I'm actually holding back a lot. I think I would have even fewer friends than I do now if I said everything that was going on in my head. 

There are a few moments in my life were the person was just not worth my time to even respond to. Here are some of the things that I have had said to me over the years, and yes they are all true. The lines in purple are things that I thought, but never actually said. 

"Jessica doesn't need to be really pretty, she's smart!"

Yes, it must be really hard to be neither. Although you seem to handle it quite well.

(Believe it or not, I think this comment was intended to be a compliment. People...)

"It must be really embarrassing to have braces on when you're so old now."

Yes well luckily my braces will be off by the end of the summer, while the ugly on your face is permanently stuck there.

"You don't need to be skinny. You're average! There is nothing wrong with that."

Sure, and you don't need to be really intelligent. You're an idiot! There is nothing wrong with that.

"You're hair is frizzy, like Hermione Granger's" 

 Your intelligence is lacking, like Crabbe and Goyle's.

"Two words to describe Jessica? Well she's really shy...I can't really think of anything else. She's nice, I guess."

Two words to describe an idiot? Well he's really stupid...I can't really think of any other redeeming quality he has. He will make a great janitor some day, I guess.

"Your shift ends in two minutes! Relax and do nothing for once in your life!"

But you're doing that so well for the both of us! And I know how difficult it is for you to stand, since I see you leaning on things all of the time, so I didn't want to make you feel bad by being better than you at doing nothing. You wouldn't have anything else in your life to live for.

"You're always reading all of the time. Don't you ever relax?"

Actually reading is how intelligent people relax. I guess you wouldn't know that though, would you?

"You put way too much effort into things. This is just a silly project worth hardly any of our grade."

And that is why you will never achieve anything in life. Just in cause you were wondering. 

On my ipod today: "Friends, Lovers, or Nothing" by John Mayer. I know he's kind of a jerk in real life, but I still love his music so much.

Food Eating Contest

Today I witness the pride of my college duke it out for fame and glory. No, not a battle of wits, but rather a food eating contest. I can't think of something that is more college like than a contest where the goal is to eat a ton of food as fast as you can. Those guys (and two girls) will go on to do great things for this country.

For today's epic battle, teams of four had to consume four pizzas and two garbage plates between the group members. Whoever consumed this obscene amount of food first won a free T-Shirt and a 5 dollar coupon to the local pizza place. More importantly, the winning team got to get their picture taken so that it could be forever demonstrated who at our college could shove massive amounts of food down their throats fastest. I'm sure all of their moms will want a copy as well. They must be so proud.

Unfortunately, I was not able to able to partake in food gorging with my being a vegetarian and lacking other group members willing to go up a pant size for the greater good. It was alright though because I got to witness the event, which I think was far more entertaining.

All of the teams started out with the same enthusiasm and apparent optimism that they could win. It was clear early on though that some teams just didn't have what it takes. For instance, there was a team which was using a knife and fork in order to consume their garbage plates. This would have been fine in any normal setting. However under the circumstances, it put them at a real disadvantage. Take for instance the innovative team that decided if would be a good idea to pick up the mac and cheese with their bear hands, mush it into a compact ball, and then shove it into their mouth. Pure genius. Not only was this more efficient, but they also had to consume less because half of the cheese stuck to their hands. It was truly something special to witness.

In actuality this display actually made me quite nauseous. I found however that I couldn't look away from them. Even more, they kept making loud grunting noises. I can only conclude based on this that because of the pressure of competition they defaulted back to a more primitive and animalistic form of themselves. That, or they were stupid college boys. You know, either or.

On my ipod today: "Tickle Me Pink" by Johnny Flynn. I only found this song a few days ago, but I am completely obssessed. I foresee myself overplaying this song over the next few days.

E-Mail

There is no better way to constructively waste time than to compulsively check your e-mail every 5 minutes. Page of your textbook particularly boring? Check your e-mail. Can't figure out the answer to question 7? Check your e-mail. Want to stop procrastinating, but can't? Check your e-mail.

I always freak out a bit when I go to write an e-mail to one of my professors. I'm never quite sure on the level of formality required. Do I start with "Dear" or is that too old school, snail mail sounding? Does he prefer Doctor or Professor? Do I bullet the questions I have, or does that seem to casual or demanding? Then there is ending the e-mail. I always end with "Thank you for your time" with my name and e-mail underneath, but I can't help but feel like its a bit pretentious to just assume he is going to read and answer my e-mail. 

Usually just to be safe I ask all e-mails in the same overly formal format:

Dear Doctor (name I had to look up to make sure I spell it right),

        I am in your (look up exact title of) class and I was wondering if you would be willing to answer a few questions I had? First, (here I put a question that I thought a really long time about how to ask to make sure that I don't come off as sounding really dumb)? Also (another question that took me 10 minutes to form)? Thank you so much for your time,

Name

e-mail address

The problem is that I find that professors respond with things such as this:

Really short, unhelpful line about something I already knew.

Doctor Hates Answering E-mails

Well as I said in class, I'm going to make you feel really horrible about yourself despite your best effort to try and sound intelligent.  My answer will read as if I'm shouting "duh!" into your face and this will subsequently cause you to never want to e-mail me again. I will end with a "I hope this helps" to try and lighten the tone of the e-mail, but it's too late. The damage has been done.

Professor What is it that is Confusing You?

Unfortunately I'm answering this e-mail after the test or paper has already been completed, but I will answer your question anyway because I feel bad that I forgot to respond. My answer actually would have been extremely insightful and helpful for you, but now it only makes you angery.

Doctor Typical Professor

~just flat out never responds~

Notice how none of them ever start with a "Dear" or end in anything other than just their name. This is where I struggle because what if I want to e-mail them again? Do I start with dear or not? I have to e-mail the professor I am a TI for a lot for different reasons, and he always answers in one or two words, which makes me feel like he is really bothered by e-mails, yet he is always telling me that I can always e-mail him. I once e-mailed him to tell him that I didn't have the papers he thought I had and all he replied with was "Message Confirmed." I had no idea what I was supposed to respond with after this. I just went with not saying anything.

People who have noticed my glasses: 1 and a half (my roommate prompted a friend to comment on them)

On my ipod today: "I'm so Lucky Lucky" by Lucky Twice. The song is absolutely ridiculous, but super catchy and fun. My roommate has been playing it all week so naturally it has been in my head for a while.

Taking Notes

I've learned one thing over the many years I have had taking notes. I am either really paying attention to class, or am I really not. There is no in between for me. This is best reflected in my notes by the percentage of doodling that takes over my notebook for each particular day. I figured this would best be shown in picture form so here a picture of  my notes:

 The top notes are from my English class, the bottom are from my Child Psych Class.

As you can see, I don't just doodle random things. I put a lot of effort into my not paying attention to lecture.  I don't just draw hearts, I have to shade them and make sure they fully take my attention away from the professor. If you're going to doodle, you've got to do it right. Please note the stick figures in the top picture. I enjoy making my stick figures do things like roundhouse kick each other, climb up the lines on the page, sit on the lines of the page, ect. I mean stick figures don't have a lot going for them, so why not at least make them do something?

There is probably one other thing you've noticed about my notes. I have guy handwriting. I'm not ashamed of many things in my life, but my handwriting is one of them. I'm not sure when it was in elementary school where I missed the lesson on how to write like a girl, but somewhere along the line I got chicken scratches instead of bubble letters. Maybe I was putting too much effort into my doodling and not paying enough attention to the teacher. Suddenly it all makes sense...

The worst part about doodling is that once I start, I can't stop. I have no self-control. I can't just make one heart, I need to fill all of the extra space in with hearts. It gets to be a problem when I hear the professor saying something important, and I know I should start taking notes again, but I just can't. The page hasn't been consumed by hearts yet! There is still so much white space! 

My doodling of hearts is not limited to taking notes however. At my old job we used to have to label all of our products with the date that they will expire. It meant I was wring on things a lot since we usually went through product so fast. At the time I was working with all guys so I figured the store needed a feminine touch. I started to add hearts onto everything. Since some of the guys were extra testosterone induced macho male types, naturally this upset them. 

Unfortunately for them, this only caused me to add more hearts around the store. It was just too funny to watch them pick up something like a block of cheese to have them go, "Ugh another freaking heart! What is going on in this store!?" At this point I would put on a really sad pathetic face and say something like, "You don't like them?" perhaps adding a slight lip quiver. This put them in a real bind because on the one hand, they didn't want to upset the only girl. Guys will do just about anything to avoid having a girl cry. On the other hand, in order to make me not upset, he would have to admit he didn't mind the hearts. The slightly more evil part in me found it very entertaining to watch the guys inner struggle with what to do. They always caved and said they liked the hearts of course.

On my ipod today: "I Want to Hold Your Hand" by the Beatles. The Beatles are that staple music source that you can always depend on. Always great without fail.

Breathing

Well by a very thrilling poll demand, breathing won out by only one point! ...out of three votes. But who's counting, eh? You all wanted a post about breathing, so you got it.

There are certain situations in my life where I am acutely aware of my breathing. Here is everything I can think of:

The Dentist: I'm not sure if it's because I'm forced to sit there with my mouth gaping open while I stare at an off white wall, or if I have an irrational fear that my breath smells despite the fact that I brushed my teeth three times already, but I am always extremely aware of my breathing when I'm getting my teeth cleaned. Can they feel my breath on their hand? Am I breathing too heavy? As soon as I start to think these things, I try to slow my breathing down to a "normal" level that barely keeps me conscious. So as you can see, going to the dentist is bad for my health and I should stop going.
 

Playing Hide-And-Go-Seek: How is it that you can go from not noticing your breathing at all, to it suddenly sounding like the reeving of a starting lawnmower. I know it makes no sense, but every time I completely convince myself that they are going to find me because I sound like a person who just started breathing after nearly being drowned to death. 

Running: It doesn't happen often, but on some occasions when I am running with other people who are breathing really loudly I feel weird about the fact that I'm not out of breath. This usually happens in the beginning of the run. I start thinking things like, "Should I try to breath heavier, so they don't feel bad? Why I am not breathing as loud as they are, they are like twice as fast as me! Oh God, what if there is something wrong with me and I'm not getting enough oxygen to my muscles!" I can manage to scare myself into anything I think.
 

Sleeping: More specifically, trying to fall asleep with someone else in the room that I have never fallen asleep in front of before. I'm already aware of the fact that I am not the most eloquent of sleepers. I sleep with my mouth wide open and I snore like a middle aged man with nasal issues. Therefore, I don't need to add any other embarrassments to my sleeping pattern than are necessary. So when I'm trying to fall asleep I try to breath as softly as possible, knowing what I'm forcing the other person to endure when I actually fall asleep. 

Taking a Particularly Hard Test: We've all had those tests where everyone in the room is partially into the test, then you can feel the shift in the atmosphere as people start realizing it's a freaking hard test. It's during these tests that I am super aware of my breathing because it doesn't take much to anger people. The person that coughed in the back of the room got so much hate stare, I'm not sure how they can go back to the test knowing their shame. There is no way I am risking breathing heavily.

Tally of number of people who have noticed my new glasses: 1

On my ipod today: "Send Me On My Way" by Rusted Root. Good pick me up song if you ever need one.

Job Interviews

You know the slight issues I have with public speaking? Well these issues also carry over into job interviews. I think it's the whole idea of being judged by everything I say, do, wear, move, breath ect. It's like going on a date. You spend a certain amount of time judging each other, deciding whether or not you want to spend time with each other again in the future. I feel like all of my flaws are suddenly completely exposed. I deal with this by trying to display my positive features, but this never works out well. "Did you know I have a vast knowledge about the FoodNetwork channel. I can't cook, but I can tell you how to! I can also hum the tune of Mario almost completely accurately. Why wouldn't you want to go on another date with me?!"

Job interviews are much the same. I feel like every question has some sort of hidden contextual meaning behind it, so even the simplest of questions involve me over thinking the response. For example, I had a job interview today for a local pizza place. I think he liked me despite a few weird exchanges that occurred between us that were mostly my fault (fine, completely my fault).

"So why don't you work at Dunkin Donuts anymore?"

"Well the hours weren't that great. I mean I'm willing to any hours, but their hours were bad. I had to get up really early and that doesn't really work well for a college campus because everyone is up late on the weekends, not that I'm out late on the weekends, but most people are and they can be very loud so it was hard for me to get sleep and I would end up being tired all of the time. Not because I was out late because I don't really stay out late, but because everyone else was up and loud and I could never sleep."

"Right..."

"So would you say that you can keep yourself occupied during times when it's not as busy?"

"Absolutely, I had to do that all of the time at Dunkin. I mean a lot of the time I was there in the morning so it was really busy then and so I'm used to the pressure of having to deal with a lot of people at one time, but every once in a while it would slow down and I would have to find something else to do. Most of the time in these cases I would clean because I worked with mainly guys. Not that guys can't be clean, but the guys I worked with weren't very clean. Not that I had a problem with this, I always get along with my coworkers, I just had to clean more than them because they weren't very good at it. It wasn't a problem though, I love cleaning! I was glad they were bad at it, because it meant I could clean more! Err does that answer your question?"

"I see that you are a junior. Would you be willing to work next year also?"

"Oh yes! Actually that was what I was hoping for, a job that I could have both this year and next. I mean if you're okay with that, but if you only need someone for this year I would understand. But I am willing to work both years if you want that. Either way, it's fine really. I mean I would prefer to work both years because that would be very convenient, but really, I am fine either way."

"I expect after school, this job to be your second priority. Would that be a problem?"

"Not at all! I really don't do much outside of school anyways!"

Great, you made yourself sound like an anti-social freak. Definitely not what I was going for.

I think I could have answered these questions a bit more normally if I was able to relax a bit more. But since when did I ever do anything normally?

On my ipod today: "Monster" by Lady Gaga. It's Halloween and therefore I must have a song by the very singer who treats everyday like it's Halloween. I'm a proud little monster!

Writing Papers

As a former English major, I find there is a certain style that each person comes to have when they go to write a paper. Some write a little bit at a time, others write basically the entire paper the night before. For me, I have to take basically an entire weekend where I focus on nothing but my paper until it is completed. Oh, and I usually start this process about two or three weeks before it's due.

I do this for a couple of reasons. For one thing, I edit. A lot. I'm never extremely happy when I am handing a paper in. There is always something that can be tweaked or changed. Usually I just have to get to a point where I say to myself, "Stop it. You're being ridiculous. Print the paper out and move on with your life." Of course this never really works, but it would be so nice if I could actually start listening to myself for once.

I also need to start the paper way before it's due because I always get all nervous for papers that I won't have enough time to write them. I'm not sure why I get like this, because I can actually organize and write my thoughts out fairly quickly. I think what happens is that the thought of a looming paper will just sit in the back of my mind and whenever I go to do anything that is not work related I have a little voice inside of my head that says things to me like, "What kind of a sorry excuse for a person watches a movie when you have a paper due in three weeks? How can you afford the time to make yourself breakfast when you have that paper to write!? Why are you taking so long to shower when you have a paper to write!? You're wasting water AND time!" Eventually it gets to the point where I can't take it anymore and I will put off all other homework until my paper is written.

My process for actually writing papers is interesting:

First Sit Down to Write Paper: Okay. I've got this. Going to write a paper. It's going to be awesome. Worth 10% of my grade so I have to put some effort into this. Just think, once you're done with this it will be out of your head forever!

Hour Later: Hmmm. That hour long break I took to try and get rid of my writers block didn't really help. I still have nothing written.

Hour Later: Phew! Introduction, DONE. Only took me an hour to write five sentences. At this rate I'll be done by...oh jeeze.

Hour Later: Wow I totally just whipped those 2 pages out like nothing! I bet I can finish this today. I have so many ideas, so many places I can take this paper.

30 Minutes Later: Shit, I've ran out of things to say. Well maybe another break will help.

Hour Later: Do taking breaks ever really help or is it just something people say to put off writing anything more? Because I just spent the last hour looking at videos of cats, but I have gained no new insight on the topic I'm supposed to be writing about. Well, I guess it's that time in the writing process where you have to start making things up in order to meet the page requirement.
 

Hour Later: There is no way I can keep anything of what I just wrote. I'm fairly certain my cat could come up with something more intelligent sounding by randomly stepping on the keyboard. But I don't really feel like writing another two pages so maybe I'll just reword what I already have some other day. Future me problem.

Hour Later: Why do they always make the conclusion sound like the easiest part to write? It is most certainly not! I have no idea what to write. Rephrase what I already said? Seems so silly because I literally just talked about it on the page before. Oh well, I doubt the professor even reads the conclusions anyways.

So you see why editing is usually a bigger deal for me than most. My attitude of "meh whatever, I'll fix it later" always comes back to bite me in the butt. Of course I perfectly aware that I am doing this. Does that stop me from doing this every time I go to write a paper? Of course not. It would be amazing all the things I could accomplish in my life if I actually listen to what I try and tell myself.

And this made me crack up: Funny Video

On my ipod today: "Superman" by Goldfinger. The lyrics are far from poetic, but the beat is happy and the sun was out today so who cares?

Hair

Well it's been raining for about four days in a row now, and that can only mean one thing. My hair has reached about four times the frizzyness level as usual. It's somewhere between Frankenstein's wife and someone who just got electrocuted.
 

You know those people with straight hair who say things like "Oh I wish I had curly hair! Straight hair is so boring. You're so lucky." Lies. They know it too, those liars. If a person with straight hair just happened to come across a genie who's only magical powers are to change people's straight hair into curly hair, straight haired people would pass on the opportunity. Why?
 

1.) You can't just roll out of bed with curly hair without it being painfully obvious that you have just rolled out of bed. You shouldn't even bother changing out of your PJs because curly hair looks so crazy after it has been slept on that, everyone knows that you literally just woke up. Sure, everyone has that morning where they were a little slower than usual and didn't have time to shower before classes, but it's your job as a member of society to hide this fact as best you can. Unfortunately curly haired people just can't have those days.
 

2.) Unlike straight hair, curly hair is completely dependent on the weather. Aka 90% of weather types are incompatible with curly hair. For instance, rain, humidity, wind, snow, sleet, hail, thunderstorms, earthquakes, hurricanes, tornadoes, ect.
 

3.) Even on the days where it just happens to be 0 humidity, absolutely no wind, and is sunny, your hair still may look a mess anyways because curly hair has a mind of its own. I've given up all attempts to try and understand it. One day I'll put in gel in my hair a certain way and it looks fabulous. The next day I'll attempt to do the exact same thing and I end up with a weird look of part frizzy hair, part 50's male greaser.
 

So sure, I'll have days where I put effort into my hair, some days where I don't. What I love to witness are the crazy girls in the girls bathrooms who sit and fix their hair for over 10 minutes. I've actually watched, on more than one occasion, girls move single pieces of hair around, trying to get their hair perfect. Whenever I see this I have to resist two very strong urges. For one thing, I want to get my hands wet from the sink and then go up to them and shake their hair all around. I would do this if I weren't afraid of a possible law suit. Even more than this I want to go up to the girl and say, "You know that piece of hair you just spent two minutes putting in an exact spot? It's going to move as soon as you start walking again. Have a nice day!" Well it's true.

To one of my best friends and roommate who's having a bad day: You are amazing and don't you forget it! I mean it!
 

On my ipod today: "Slide" by the Goo Goo Dolls. "What you feel is what you are, and what you are is beautiful." Best. Line. Ever.