Tripping: Part Three

 Work: I knew it was only a matter of time before I fell down at work one day. We literally run around like chickens with our heads cut off trying to complete orders as fast as possible. We do all of this while carrying hot beverages in our hands. I'm too accident prone for this type of setting. But the good news is that I actually kind of like this story because while I may have fallen down, I do show off some ninja moves as well.

The place I used to work at was known for spilling things all of the time. It just came with carrying around drinks all of the time while people ran around you. Since we spilled so often, the store became very efficient at cleaning up a mess in record time. Spills don't even cause a commotion. Someone just yells out "spill!" and before you can look at where it is, there is someone with a mop and bucket cleaning it up.

So on this one particular day at work, there was an air-show going on literally right across the street from the fast food place I worked at. It also happened to be close to 90 outside, so all day we were extremely busy. This was the second day of the air show, and since I had also worked nonstop for 12 hours the day before for the first day of the air-show, I was getting to be really tired partly through the day. 

The store is the fullest I have ever seen it before. There are people backed up to outside of the store waiting to get in. It was absolute chaos. People were hot and tired and for some reason they felt this gave them a right to treat everyone working there like crap. They were very impatient, so I tried to work as quickly as I could. Never piss of hot, tired, and fat customers. They are the worst. 

There were so many people coming in and out, we couldn't stock our products fast enough. I was constantly going into the backroom to get various items that kept running out. At one point my manager asked me to go back and get another tray of glazed donuts. So I did, and somewhere between the point of my going into the backroom and coming back, one of my coworkers had managed to both spill something, and clean it up, before I got back.

So I'm carrying this tray of donuts and of course I slipped on the extremely slippery tile floor that was recently mopped. All of the donuts went flying straight up into the air. I actually fell on my butt instead of my face for once, so I could see all of the donuts hanging in the air around me. I took my tray and tried to save as many as possible. 

What is the first thing that my coworker says to me after all of this? Not, "Are you okay?" but rather, "That was amazing! You managed to save all of those donuts except for two! How did you do that?!" The entire store stopped to stare at me. I guess the customers didn't know they would be getting a dinner and a show that day. It's good to know that when it comes down to it, I will always try to save the food no matter how much my butt hurts. I learned something about myself that day.

On my ipod today: Today is really a parody. "Shoot A Russian Unicorn" by A Bad Lip Reading. It's hilarious and everyone needs a smile today I feel like :)

Tripping: Part Two

College Freshmen English Class: The more I write, the more I have come to realize that many of my embarrassing stories come from English course related things. I should be more careful in these settings.

I was in this one English class freshmen year of college that was an introductory course. It was a basic "how you read and interpret literature" class taught by an extremely old professor. He was old school in everything he did. He would often tell us about how his son bought him a cell phone, but he never used it because he couldn't figure out how to turn it on. My guess was that it really just needed to be charged, but no one in the class ever tried to help him out. Personal experience has taught me that you should always avoid situations of trying to teach old people technology.

So as part of this introductory course, we had to go to the library during one class to learn how to research. Since he knew that people would be inclined to skip this class, our professor made it mandatory to go to it. If not, he would take points off of your grade.

Well being the nerd that I am, I always get to class early. I knew that my class started at 10:30 so I started up the hill for the library around 10:15. I was about half way up the hill when I realized my class didn't start at 10:30, it started at 10. I have absolutely no idea why I got the time wrong on that particular day, but that's what happened. So of course I start booking it up the hill and by the time I got to the top I was extremely over heated and took my coat off. 

So I'm carrying my coat in my arms with my backpack bobbing up and down on my back as I speed walk around the library trying to find the right room. When I finally get there, I notice that the only seats available are those that require me to walk all the way across the room. Of course everyone was staring at me because basically anything in the world is more exciting that learning how to research things. But more than anyone in the room I could feel my professors eyes burning into me with all of the disgust known to mankind.

I'm so flustered and embarrassed that I don't really watch where I am walking. I proceeded to trip over someone's backpack lying on the ground , sending both my coat and backpack flying into the air in front of me, as I landed straight on my face. Up until this point the librarian had been ignoring my presence, despite the fact that everyone was staring at me instead of her. But I made such a commotion falling down that she had to stop her lecture to make sure I was alright before continuing on. There was no laughter at this fall. Just stunned silence. I think it was way worse. I just kept smiling away as if nothing had happen. It was really my only option.

Happy 11/11/11! I hope all of your wishes come true because you deserve to have all of your wishes come true <3

On my ipod today: "Turning Tables" by Adele. Anyone who makes fun of Adele for being overweight should go crawl up into a hole in the ground and stay there because society no longer wants you. Adele is an extremely talented poet and singer and deserves our admiration, not criticism.

Tripping: Part One

I trip a lot. I'm not unlike many people in this way, however for me tripping and falling down usually occur in an extremely public setting. Off the top of my head I can think of three major instances, excluding the one mentioned in Grace (or lack there of). I will therefore make this a three part post. Check in the next few days for the other two stories. 

9th Grade Freshman Soccer Game: I was never the greatest soccer player. I suppose I just lacked the aggression necessary to mercilessly barrel through troves of people in order to get a ball into net. I was often yelled at by my coach for apologizing to the people I ran into or accidentally knocked down. "Stop apologizing! You're SUPPOSED to run into people sometimes!" 

Subsequently, I often found myself sitting on the bench. Not that I would tell any of my family members this, but I preferred the bench.  There was too much pressure on the field. It often felt like whenever I was put into the game, it was a question of when I would mess up, not if.

So of course during this one particular game I was sitting on the bench as normal. Now whenever I lose interest in something, or have something important on my mind, I tend to let my mind completely wonder to the point where I forget where I am or what I'm doing. I can't remember what I was thinking about during this particular game, but I can tell you this- it wasn't the soccer game.

While I am completely in my own world, I hear my coach yell my name, telling me to start warming up. It came as surprise to me because I wasn't really paying attention to anything around me at the time. So this put me in such a panic that I tried to take off my sweatpants and stand up at the same time. I got a few steps before completely landing on my face.

The game must have been more boring than I thought, because at that point all of the parents there burst into laughter, with my parents being the loudest. They started laughing so loudly, that the game stopped for half a second. Luckily both teams were too concerned that the other team would take advantage of the sudden stop in play, so they both got back into the game fairly quickly. Unfortunately, this didn't erase the fact that I had just created a spectacle out of myself in front of an entire audience. Can't fall down in the locker room trying to get my sweatpants off. No, I have to do it in front of an entire crowd of people.
 

On my ipod today: "Passerby" by Dispatch. I love songs that make you think.

Comebacks

Anyone who knows me knows that I can be a bit blunt about how I feel about things. I'm not afraid to say what I'm thinking. What most people don't know is that many times, I'm actually holding back a lot. I think I would have even fewer friends than I do now if I said everything that was going on in my head. 

There are a few moments in my life were the person was just not worth my time to even respond to. Here are some of the things that I have had said to me over the years, and yes they are all true. The lines in purple are things that I thought, but never actually said. 

"Jessica doesn't need to be really pretty, she's smart!"

Yes, it must be really hard to be neither. Although you seem to handle it quite well.

(Believe it or not, I think this comment was intended to be a compliment. People...)

"It must be really embarrassing to have braces on when you're so old now."

Yes well luckily my braces will be off by the end of the summer, while the ugly on your face is permanently stuck there.

"You don't need to be skinny. You're average! There is nothing wrong with that."

Sure, and you don't need to be really intelligent. You're an idiot! There is nothing wrong with that.

"You're hair is frizzy, like Hermione Granger's" 

 Your intelligence is lacking, like Crabbe and Goyle's.

"Two words to describe Jessica? Well she's really shy...I can't really think of anything else. She's nice, I guess."

Two words to describe an idiot? Well he's really stupid...I can't really think of any other redeeming quality he has. He will make a great janitor some day, I guess.

"Your shift ends in two minutes! Relax and do nothing for once in your life!"

But you're doing that so well for the both of us! And I know how difficult it is for you to stand, since I see you leaning on things all of the time, so I didn't want to make you feel bad by being better than you at doing nothing. You wouldn't have anything else in your life to live for.

"You're always reading all of the time. Don't you ever relax?"

Actually reading is how intelligent people relax. I guess you wouldn't know that though, would you?

"You put way too much effort into things. This is just a silly project worth hardly any of our grade."

And that is why you will never achieve anything in life. Just in cause you were wondering. 

On my ipod today: "Friends, Lovers, or Nothing" by John Mayer. I know he's kind of a jerk in real life, but I still love his music so much.