Just no...

Sorry I haven't posted lately. Seems life likes to tease me by giving me nothing one week and then giving everything to do the next.

There are certain things I have been noticing lately that I just have to say no to. Really, just no.

Ugg boots and leggings: Let me break this down for you. It is either cold enough to wear ugg boots, or it is warm enough to only wear leggings instead of pants. It is never both. I hate both of these things on their own, but together they make me want to go up to people and say "You are aware of what you are wearing, right?" If you feel compelled to walk out the door like that, just no.

Belly sweatshirts: There has been a growing phenomenon where girls are buying sweatshirts that show off your belly. Again, this confuses me because it is either warm enough to wear a belly shirt, or cold enough to wear a sweatshirt. Never once in my life did I ever feel, "Dang my arms are so cold but my stomach is so hot! I wish there was a piece of really ugly clothing that could solve this problem..." If you feel compelled to buy such a thing, just no.

People who complain about their school: Now I understand, every college has their annoying things. The administration sucks, there is that one professor that is known for making kids cry, you're pretty sure that eating the food is taking years off of your life, ect. But what I don't like is the people that continually bash every aspect of their school. In case this is news to any of you, you don't have to be here! Leave. Really, I guarantee you, no one will care. I'm sure you are just taking the place of someone who would actually love the opportunity to learn and further their education.

People who stop in doorways: I thought I would be done with this problem after high school because I naively assumed that college students wouldn't be as dumb as to stand in the door way. So wrong. Just yesterday as I was attempting to leave class a girl stopped in the door way, turned to say to her friend, "I'll just meet you right here!" I really wanted to respond to her, "Perfect! I've always wanted to spend the rest of my life inside of this classroom. But you know, I don't think the rest of the class would agree with me, so would you mind moving for their sake?" If you need to talk to someone while in a doorway, just no.

Harassing the professor in the middle of class: I really hate those students that sit and quiz the professor on everything in front of the class. It makes everyone uncomfortable and really is just a waste of everyone's time also. What I really want to do in these situations is say to them, "Hey do you have a PhD? No? Then shut up." I know you think that you are smarter than the professor but just, no.

Saying you didn't like the book, even though you've never read it: I really have an issue with people that claim they didn't like the book, even though they only read about a chapter. In 11th grade I remember having to read 1984 by George Orwell, and I loved it. We had to read it over a break, so I came back expecting everyone else to share my enthusiasm. Much to my surprise almost the entire class claimed to "hate the book" and they "couldn't even make it past the first chapter." Now how on Earth could you know whether or not you actually like or dislike a book if you have never finished reading it? It makes no sense.

"I don't read the books, I just watch the movies.": I'll never understand why this statement is said with such pride by some people. It is not a positive thing.You should be embarrassed by this fact, not proud of it. The Harry Potter movies seem to be especially atune to this issue. "I love Harry Potter!" "Really, me too! Which book is your favorite?" "Oh I don't read the books, I just watch the movies. Hahahaha" Oh yeah, hahaha. You now represent all that is wrong with society, congratulations. 

That person that says they hate something right after you excitedly say you love it: I'll never forget the time in 11th grade when I got my brand new hot pink razor cell phone. They were all the rage at the time and I was super exicted because it was pink! I was showing it off to my friends in the lunchroom saying "And it's pink! I love it!" when all of the sudden one of them says, "I hate razor phones. They are a waste." Really? Do people not understand how incredible rude it is to do that? If you feel the need to bring someone down like that, just no.

Girls that wear next to nothing in the winter to go out: I know they are only doing it to attract guys, but I just want to why any guy would find that attractive? I feel like instead of admiring her legs, he should be thinking, "Damn, she was stupid enough to go outside in a miniskirt when its snowing out? Definitely not for me." Unfortunately to say that guy think like that would be giving them too much credit.

I have more, but I think that is good for now. Stay unnormal my friends!

On my ipod today: "Lets Go to the Mall" Robin Sparkles. hehe <3

Foreign Languages

So much to my disliking, I have to take a foreign language in order to earn my degree. Why? Because I wasn't good enough at German back in high school, so now I am forced to learn French in college. I'm not sure what the reasoning is behind this. "Oh hey, she wasn't smart enough to learn another language in high school, so lets make her learn another language in even more difficult academic setting. That will surely end well!"

I love the very first day of my French class last year. The professor made us stand up in front of the class, say our name, year, and why we decided to take French. If she was looking for honesty my answer would have been, "Only, and I mean only, because I have to." I think that would have crushed her soul though because she was from France and the longer she stayed in America, the more she seemed to love France.

This semester I have to deal with a completely unrealistic professor. He will randomly call on people to answer questions, and if you don't know the answer he will just sit there and stare at you, waiting for you to figure it out. The only problem is this isn't a math class. You can stare at me all you want, but I am not going to be suddenly endowed with what the word "tomorrow" is in French from the foreign language Gods up above. You can stare and stare and stare, but I'm not going to suddenly figure it out somehow. You either know it, or you don't. So please leave me alone.

He also speaks only in French. I know, it's good to hear the language and yatta yatta. The thing is, that most Americans don't even know the grammar rules of our own language, so trying to teach us another languages grammar rules, while speaking that language, essentially gets you nowhere. He is always confused as to why we are lost. It's a mystery clearly.

I always feel like a child in foreign language classes. Mostly because my "essays" read like something you would write in first grade. They also make me sound completely egocentric because I can't really redirect the topic to anything other than relating to myself.

"My name is Jessica. I am 20 years old. I go to school. I do homework. I meet with friends on the weekend. I eat pizza a lot. It tastes good. I like to run. It is fun. I like to dance. It is also fun. I have a dog. My dog is named Cuddles. I have two cats. My cats are named Snickers and Butterscotch. I have a sister. My sisters name is Emily...." ect. I think you get the point.

Foreign language professors also always completely shocked when you can't remember something that you learned months ago. "Why can't you remember the word for a homeless person in French? We went over that three chapters ago!" Well maybe because the word for a homeless person is not use regularly in my vocabulary. Yes this actually happened to me. The professor was amazed that no one in the class could remember. I was taught the word for homeless person, but I still don't know what the word for basic things are like plate or hand.

So for all of you that are fluent in another language I applaud you because I will never be you. 

On my ipod today: "Smooth" by Santana. Stuck in my head all day yesterday. Luckily it's an awesome song.

Tripping: Part Three

 Work: I knew it was only a matter of time before I fell down at work one day. We literally run around like chickens with our heads cut off trying to complete orders as fast as possible. We do all of this while carrying hot beverages in our hands. I'm too accident prone for this type of setting. But the good news is that I actually kind of like this story because while I may have fallen down, I do show off some ninja moves as well.

The place I used to work at was known for spilling things all of the time. It just came with carrying around drinks all of the time while people ran around you. Since we spilled so often, the store became very efficient at cleaning up a mess in record time. Spills don't even cause a commotion. Someone just yells out "spill!" and before you can look at where it is, there is someone with a mop and bucket cleaning it up.

So on this one particular day at work, there was an air-show going on literally right across the street from the fast food place I worked at. It also happened to be close to 90 outside, so all day we were extremely busy. This was the second day of the air show, and since I had also worked nonstop for 12 hours the day before for the first day of the air-show, I was getting to be really tired partly through the day. 

The store is the fullest I have ever seen it before. There are people backed up to outside of the store waiting to get in. It was absolute chaos. People were hot and tired and for some reason they felt this gave them a right to treat everyone working there like crap. They were very impatient, so I tried to work as quickly as I could. Never piss of hot, tired, and fat customers. They are the worst. 

There were so many people coming in and out, we couldn't stock our products fast enough. I was constantly going into the backroom to get various items that kept running out. At one point my manager asked me to go back and get another tray of glazed donuts. So I did, and somewhere between the point of my going into the backroom and coming back, one of my coworkers had managed to both spill something, and clean it up, before I got back.

So I'm carrying this tray of donuts and of course I slipped on the extremely slippery tile floor that was recently mopped. All of the donuts went flying straight up into the air. I actually fell on my butt instead of my face for once, so I could see all of the donuts hanging in the air around me. I took my tray and tried to save as many as possible. 

What is the first thing that my coworker says to me after all of this? Not, "Are you okay?" but rather, "That was amazing! You managed to save all of those donuts except for two! How did you do that?!" The entire store stopped to stare at me. I guess the customers didn't know they would be getting a dinner and a show that day. It's good to know that when it comes down to it, I will always try to save the food no matter how much my butt hurts. I learned something about myself that day.

On my ipod today: Today is really a parody. "Shoot A Russian Unicorn" by A Bad Lip Reading. It's hilarious and everyone needs a smile today I feel like :)

Tripping: Part Two

College Freshmen English Class: The more I write, the more I have come to realize that many of my embarrassing stories come from English course related things. I should be more careful in these settings.

I was in this one English class freshmen year of college that was an introductory course. It was a basic "how you read and interpret literature" class taught by an extremely old professor. He was old school in everything he did. He would often tell us about how his son bought him a cell phone, but he never used it because he couldn't figure out how to turn it on. My guess was that it really just needed to be charged, but no one in the class ever tried to help him out. Personal experience has taught me that you should always avoid situations of trying to teach old people technology.

So as part of this introductory course, we had to go to the library during one class to learn how to research. Since he knew that people would be inclined to skip this class, our professor made it mandatory to go to it. If not, he would take points off of your grade.

Well being the nerd that I am, I always get to class early. I knew that my class started at 10:30 so I started up the hill for the library around 10:15. I was about half way up the hill when I realized my class didn't start at 10:30, it started at 10. I have absolutely no idea why I got the time wrong on that particular day, but that's what happened. So of course I start booking it up the hill and by the time I got to the top I was extremely over heated and took my coat off. 

So I'm carrying my coat in my arms with my backpack bobbing up and down on my back as I speed walk around the library trying to find the right room. When I finally get there, I notice that the only seats available are those that require me to walk all the way across the room. Of course everyone was staring at me because basically anything in the world is more exciting that learning how to research things. But more than anyone in the room I could feel my professors eyes burning into me with all of the disgust known to mankind.

I'm so flustered and embarrassed that I don't really watch where I am walking. I proceeded to trip over someone's backpack lying on the ground , sending both my coat and backpack flying into the air in front of me, as I landed straight on my face. Up until this point the librarian had been ignoring my presence, despite the fact that everyone was staring at me instead of her. But I made such a commotion falling down that she had to stop her lecture to make sure I was alright before continuing on. There was no laughter at this fall. Just stunned silence. I think it was way worse. I just kept smiling away as if nothing had happen. It was really my only option.

Happy 11/11/11! I hope all of your wishes come true because you deserve to have all of your wishes come true <3

On my ipod today: "Turning Tables" by Adele. Anyone who makes fun of Adele for being overweight should go crawl up into a hole in the ground and stay there because society no longer wants you. Adele is an extremely talented poet and singer and deserves our admiration, not criticism.

Tripping: Part One

I trip a lot. I'm not unlike many people in this way, however for me tripping and falling down usually occur in an extremely public setting. Off the top of my head I can think of three major instances, excluding the one mentioned in Grace (or lack there of). I will therefore make this a three part post. Check in the next few days for the other two stories. 

9th Grade Freshman Soccer Game: I was never the greatest soccer player. I suppose I just lacked the aggression necessary to mercilessly barrel through troves of people in order to get a ball into net. I was often yelled at by my coach for apologizing to the people I ran into or accidentally knocked down. "Stop apologizing! You're SUPPOSED to run into people sometimes!" 

Subsequently, I often found myself sitting on the bench. Not that I would tell any of my family members this, but I preferred the bench.  There was too much pressure on the field. It often felt like whenever I was put into the game, it was a question of when I would mess up, not if.

So of course during this one particular game I was sitting on the bench as normal. Now whenever I lose interest in something, or have something important on my mind, I tend to let my mind completely wonder to the point where I forget where I am or what I'm doing. I can't remember what I was thinking about during this particular game, but I can tell you this- it wasn't the soccer game.

While I am completely in my own world, I hear my coach yell my name, telling me to start warming up. It came as surprise to me because I wasn't really paying attention to anything around me at the time. So this put me in such a panic that I tried to take off my sweatpants and stand up at the same time. I got a few steps before completely landing on my face.

The game must have been more boring than I thought, because at that point all of the parents there burst into laughter, with my parents being the loudest. They started laughing so loudly, that the game stopped for half a second. Luckily both teams were too concerned that the other team would take advantage of the sudden stop in play, so they both got back into the game fairly quickly. Unfortunately, this didn't erase the fact that I had just created a spectacle out of myself in front of an entire audience. Can't fall down in the locker room trying to get my sweatpants off. No, I have to do it in front of an entire crowd of people.
 

On my ipod today: "Passerby" by Dispatch. I love songs that make you think.

Comebacks

Anyone who knows me knows that I can be a bit blunt about how I feel about things. I'm not afraid to say what I'm thinking. What most people don't know is that many times, I'm actually holding back a lot. I think I would have even fewer friends than I do now if I said everything that was going on in my head. 

There are a few moments in my life were the person was just not worth my time to even respond to. Here are some of the things that I have had said to me over the years, and yes they are all true. The lines in purple are things that I thought, but never actually said. 

"Jessica doesn't need to be really pretty, she's smart!"

Yes, it must be really hard to be neither. Although you seem to handle it quite well.

(Believe it or not, I think this comment was intended to be a compliment. People...)

"It must be really embarrassing to have braces on when you're so old now."

Yes well luckily my braces will be off by the end of the summer, while the ugly on your face is permanently stuck there.

"You don't need to be skinny. You're average! There is nothing wrong with that."

Sure, and you don't need to be really intelligent. You're an idiot! There is nothing wrong with that.

"You're hair is frizzy, like Hermione Granger's" 

 Your intelligence is lacking, like Crabbe and Goyle's.

"Two words to describe Jessica? Well she's really shy...I can't really think of anything else. She's nice, I guess."

Two words to describe an idiot? Well he's really stupid...I can't really think of any other redeeming quality he has. He will make a great janitor some day, I guess.

"Your shift ends in two minutes! Relax and do nothing for once in your life!"

But you're doing that so well for the both of us! And I know how difficult it is for you to stand, since I see you leaning on things all of the time, so I didn't want to make you feel bad by being better than you at doing nothing. You wouldn't have anything else in your life to live for.

"You're always reading all of the time. Don't you ever relax?"

Actually reading is how intelligent people relax. I guess you wouldn't know that though, would you?

"You put way too much effort into things. This is just a silly project worth hardly any of our grade."

And that is why you will never achieve anything in life. Just in cause you were wondering. 

On my ipod today: "Friends, Lovers, or Nothing" by John Mayer. I know he's kind of a jerk in real life, but I still love his music so much.

Food Eating Contest

Today I witness the pride of my college duke it out for fame and glory. No, not a battle of wits, but rather a food eating contest. I can't think of something that is more college like than a contest where the goal is to eat a ton of food as fast as you can. Those guys (and two girls) will go on to do great things for this country.

For today's epic battle, teams of four had to consume four pizzas and two garbage plates between the group members. Whoever consumed this obscene amount of food first won a free T-Shirt and a 5 dollar coupon to the local pizza place. More importantly, the winning team got to get their picture taken so that it could be forever demonstrated who at our college could shove massive amounts of food down their throats fastest. I'm sure all of their moms will want a copy as well. They must be so proud.

Unfortunately, I was not able to able to partake in food gorging with my being a vegetarian and lacking other group members willing to go up a pant size for the greater good. It was alright though because I got to witness the event, which I think was far more entertaining.

All of the teams started out with the same enthusiasm and apparent optimism that they could win. It was clear early on though that some teams just didn't have what it takes. For instance, there was a team which was using a knife and fork in order to consume their garbage plates. This would have been fine in any normal setting. However under the circumstances, it put them at a real disadvantage. Take for instance the innovative team that decided if would be a good idea to pick up the mac and cheese with their bear hands, mush it into a compact ball, and then shove it into their mouth. Pure genius. Not only was this more efficient, but they also had to consume less because half of the cheese stuck to their hands. It was truly something special to witness.

In actuality this display actually made me quite nauseous. I found however that I couldn't look away from them. Even more, they kept making loud grunting noises. I can only conclude based on this that because of the pressure of competition they defaulted back to a more primitive and animalistic form of themselves. That, or they were stupid college boys. You know, either or.

On my ipod today: "Tickle Me Pink" by Johnny Flynn. I only found this song a few days ago, but I am completely obssessed. I foresee myself overplaying this song over the next few days.