Seeing as I just made a post about my lovely day trip to the DMV, I figured I should make a post about driving as well. I hate it. I really really hate it. I will find just about any reason to make sure I can get out of driving. Over the years I have become quite crafty at making people think it was their idea in the first place to drive. "It's so annoying how my mom parks in the driveway. I have no idea how I am going to get my car out." "Why don't I just drive? I'll come pick you up." "Oh that's a great idea! Carpooling is greener anyways. Thanks!"
Why do you hate driving so much you ask? Couple of reasons. For one thing, I believe my car is about as safe to drive as it would be to be driving around in a nuclear bomb. Random jolts and clingy noises are something I have grown accustomed to. It's okay though, my mechanic assures me that I am crazy and my brakes are fine. Clearly, I need to be going to a doctor instead of a mechanic because I have been imaging all those times my brakes don't quite work right. The AC doesn't work in my car either. Well technically it does work, but my mechanic also told me that "The pipe the AC uses is loose, so be warned that if you use your AC, you may hear an extremely loud BANG come from your engine. It's perfectly safe." Yes, from my experience loud bangs are always perfectly safe. I mean, what harm has ever been caused by something that creates a loud bang?
Also, I am terrible at directions. I've gotten lost going to places I have been going to my whole life. Literally, I have lived in the same house my entire life. The mall is only about ten minutes from my house. I got lost going there. I'm fairly certain squirrels have a better sense of direction than me. I mean, they always seem to remember which specific tree they hid their nuts under, but I can't remember how to get to a place I've been going to for 20 years.
Then there are other drivers. When you think about it, there are not that many safe drivers out there on the roads. First you have your old people. They can be so cute sitting in their little cars, barely able to see over the steering wheel. How could you deny them access to the road? The problem is that they assume since they have been driving for years, that they are perfect at it. Take for instance my Grandpa. He is by far one of the worst drivers I have ever seen. One time, he went straight through an intersection when he was in the left turn only lane. When I pointed this out to him he replied "Oh it's okay! I do that all the time!" Oh of course, I had forgotten that once you've been driving for over 30 years, you no longer need to obey all of the traffic laws, only some of them. He also backed into a mail truck one time. He had to pay big time for that one since it's a federal offense or something. His excuse was, "It wasn't there when I started backing out! It must have zoomed in behind me!" Has anyone ever seen a mail truck "zoom" anywhere? I'm fairly certain small children on bikes go faster than mail trucks in residential areas.
The worst are young guy drivers. You know who I'm talking about. Mr. Cool who puts his left arm on the door as he leans away from the steering wheel with a posture that reads "I just don't give a ****" It's the kind of stupidity that one can only dream of attaining in life. It takes years to perfect the slouch and slightly vacant expression that looks like someone just beat the side of their face with a bat. Unfortunately no one has actually beaten them with a bat. They only look as if someone has. I've never really understood what it means to be cool, but what I have gathered thus far is that you just need to look super pissed off all of the time. I'd try it someday but blah. Way too normal.
No comments:
Post a Comment