Being Polite: Part One

There are several times in my life where social obligations make it necessary for me to be polite to people, despite their complete stupidity. In reality I have to say things like, "I'm so sorry," when really the person needs to hear something like, "Maybe you should try thinking before speaking. Or just try thinking at all." There are a few moments that I can think of in particular.

For those of you that don't know, Dunkin Donuts, Starbucks, and Tim Horton's are actually three different stores, owned by three different companies. I know, your mind was just blown. Well that never stopped people from ordering things like "Tim Bits," while I was at Dunkin. One time I was taking orders over the drive-thru when I had a girl come through. Here was that conversation:

Welcome to Dunkin Donuts, how may I help you today?

Yes, um, can I have a Carmel Frappacinno?

I'm sorry, the Frappuccino is a signature trademark of Starbucks. We don't sell them here. May I interest you in our Carmel Coolata?

But I want a Carmel Frappuccinno!

...I'm sorry, but we do not sell them here.

Can't you just take your blender and make one? It's my friend's Birthday!

No I can't, I'm sorry.

Ugh whatever, you guys are so unhelpful!

Sorry for the inconvenience. 

I actually shorted this conversation quite a bit. There was much more back and forth between us, with me trying to explain that we don't sell Frappuccino's. Now, if social obligation hadn't required me to be nice to this girl, this is how the conversation would have gone:

What do you want?

Yes, um, can I have a Carmel Frappuccinno?

This is Dunkin Donuts. I only tell you this because clearly you can't read, since Dunkin labels literally every available surface with their name on it. Starbucks is the one for that overpriced drink. Do you want our version of an equally overpriced drink?

But I want a Carmel Frappuccinno!

Please leave this store and never converse with me again. I only talk to considerate people with an IQ that is larger than my dogs.

Can't you just take your blender and make one? It's my friend's Birthday!

It doesn't matter if her very life depends on that drink. I can't make your Frap-a-whatever because 1) We don't have a blender here. 2) We don't have the ingredients here. 3) I don't know how to make that drink because, WE DON'T SELL THAT DRINK!

Ugh whatever, you guys are so unhelpful!

It's people like you that really make me worry about society sometimes.

 Check in for more stories about America's finest that don't deserve the respect that I give them.

On my ipod today: "Step Into Christmas" by Elton John. Ahhh I just love Christmas music, and I love this song!!

Surprise!

I know, I know. I'm the scum of the Earth for not posting in so long. Here is a list of really weak excuses as to why:

1) I have a 15 page paper due soon and a 8 page paper due soon as well. Blah.

2) It's Thanksgiving Break. Basically, I'm home realizing with every passing second that there is absolutely no way I am moving back home after I graduate college. I would rather live in the most inhabitable apartment, eating a spoon of peanut butter every night, than move back here. In other words I've been rather uninspired by my current environment.

3) Just tired in generally. Life is stressful. That's just an fyi for those of you that haven't been living up until this point.

So onto my story! Recently I had my 21st Birthday. Although they caused me many headaches leading up to my Birthday, my friends surprised me by coming over on my Birthday. It reminded me of my more naive years when I turned 15. My mom through a surprise party for me that year too. Can't say it was my shining moment of intelligence. Here's what happened:
 

I was at a friends house for the morning and early afternoon. We were chatting and doing whatever 15 year old girls do, when...

CLUE #1) ...she mentioned buying my Birthday gift.

She quickly patched it up by saying she meant when she buys my Birthday gift. I've always been one to take people at their word, for better or for worse, so I didn't question her slip of the tongue.

So later that afternoon she said she wanted to go swimming.

CLUE #2) She claimed to have a membership at a hotel that allowed her to use their pool for recreation. I had never heard of such a thing, but again, I take people at their word. It really gets me into trouble sometimes.

When we get there, obviously we had to change into out bathing suits.

CLUE #3) My friend claimed that the changing room was actually four flights above the level of where the pool was. Not only this, it was in a random, unmarked room, that looked like any other hotel room. Yes, I believed all of this. So I go into the elevator with her, she presses the forth floor and when the elevator doors open we start walking around the hotel, looking for some room. 

At this point my suspicions were surfacing. Why on Earth would the hotel make the changing room in such a random place, not even marked with signs! But my suspicion wasn't enough to actually voice them. My friend seemed so sure of where she was going.

When we got to the room my friend...

CLUE #4) ...knocked on the door.

I thought, "How weird. A changing room that had to be open from the inside by people." Not long after she knocked, the door flung open and the people inside shouted, "SURPRISE!" Only I didn't actually hear them say that. All I heard was "AGGHAAIIGIEHHG!" 

So naturally my first instinct was that my friend had gotten the wrong room. She thought this was the changing room, but actually it was some family's room and they were yelling at her to go away! I pulled my friends arm and started backing away, with a terrified and apologetic look on my face.

My friend looked at me weird and said, "What are you doing?" I looked at her like she was crazy. Couldn't she see that these people were really pissed off that she had gotten the wrong room? Why on Earth was she pulling me closer to these insane people? 

It wasn't until that point that I actually looked at the people yelling to see that they were my family and friends. I was very happy that they had done this for me, but at the same time I was so surprised I had to sit down on the couch for a while. When I told them why I initially tired to get away, they laughed for about an hour. Can't have a normal surprise party of course.

On my ipod today: Today begins my Christmas music! Everyday starting today the music on my ipod will be Chistmas music, and you will love this fact. "Christmas Savajevo" by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. So. Epically. Awesome. Christmas music and bad-ass orchestra in one. Life complete.

Just no...

Sorry I haven't posted lately. Seems life likes to tease me by giving me nothing one week and then giving everything to do the next.

There are certain things I have been noticing lately that I just have to say no to. Really, just no.

Ugg boots and leggings: Let me break this down for you. It is either cold enough to wear ugg boots, or it is warm enough to only wear leggings instead of pants. It is never both. I hate both of these things on their own, but together they make me want to go up to people and say "You are aware of what you are wearing, right?" If you feel compelled to walk out the door like that, just no.

Belly sweatshirts: There has been a growing phenomenon where girls are buying sweatshirts that show off your belly. Again, this confuses me because it is either warm enough to wear a belly shirt, or cold enough to wear a sweatshirt. Never once in my life did I ever feel, "Dang my arms are so cold but my stomach is so hot! I wish there was a piece of really ugly clothing that could solve this problem..." If you feel compelled to buy such a thing, just no.

People who complain about their school: Now I understand, every college has their annoying things. The administration sucks, there is that one professor that is known for making kids cry, you're pretty sure that eating the food is taking years off of your life, ect. But what I don't like is the people that continually bash every aspect of their school. In case this is news to any of you, you don't have to be here! Leave. Really, I guarantee you, no one will care. I'm sure you are just taking the place of someone who would actually love the opportunity to learn and further their education.

People who stop in doorways: I thought I would be done with this problem after high school because I naively assumed that college students wouldn't be as dumb as to stand in the door way. So wrong. Just yesterday as I was attempting to leave class a girl stopped in the door way, turned to say to her friend, "I'll just meet you right here!" I really wanted to respond to her, "Perfect! I've always wanted to spend the rest of my life inside of this classroom. But you know, I don't think the rest of the class would agree with me, so would you mind moving for their sake?" If you need to talk to someone while in a doorway, just no.

Harassing the professor in the middle of class: I really hate those students that sit and quiz the professor on everything in front of the class. It makes everyone uncomfortable and really is just a waste of everyone's time also. What I really want to do in these situations is say to them, "Hey do you have a PhD? No? Then shut up." I know you think that you are smarter than the professor but just, no.

Saying you didn't like the book, even though you've never read it: I really have an issue with people that claim they didn't like the book, even though they only read about a chapter. In 11th grade I remember having to read 1984 by George Orwell, and I loved it. We had to read it over a break, so I came back expecting everyone else to share my enthusiasm. Much to my surprise almost the entire class claimed to "hate the book" and they "couldn't even make it past the first chapter." Now how on Earth could you know whether or not you actually like or dislike a book if you have never finished reading it? It makes no sense.

"I don't read the books, I just watch the movies.": I'll never understand why this statement is said with such pride by some people. It is not a positive thing.You should be embarrassed by this fact, not proud of it. The Harry Potter movies seem to be especially atune to this issue. "I love Harry Potter!" "Really, me too! Which book is your favorite?" "Oh I don't read the books, I just watch the movies. Hahahaha" Oh yeah, hahaha. You now represent all that is wrong with society, congratulations. 

That person that says they hate something right after you excitedly say you love it: I'll never forget the time in 11th grade when I got my brand new hot pink razor cell phone. They were all the rage at the time and I was super exicted because it was pink! I was showing it off to my friends in the lunchroom saying "And it's pink! I love it!" when all of the sudden one of them says, "I hate razor phones. They are a waste." Really? Do people not understand how incredible rude it is to do that? If you feel the need to bring someone down like that, just no.

Girls that wear next to nothing in the winter to go out: I know they are only doing it to attract guys, but I just want to why any guy would find that attractive? I feel like instead of admiring her legs, he should be thinking, "Damn, she was stupid enough to go outside in a miniskirt when its snowing out? Definitely not for me." Unfortunately to say that guy think like that would be giving them too much credit.

I have more, but I think that is good for now. Stay unnormal my friends!

On my ipod today: "Lets Go to the Mall" Robin Sparkles. hehe <3

Foreign Languages

So much to my disliking, I have to take a foreign language in order to earn my degree. Why? Because I wasn't good enough at German back in high school, so now I am forced to learn French in college. I'm not sure what the reasoning is behind this. "Oh hey, she wasn't smart enough to learn another language in high school, so lets make her learn another language in even more difficult academic setting. That will surely end well!"

I love the very first day of my French class last year. The professor made us stand up in front of the class, say our name, year, and why we decided to take French. If she was looking for honesty my answer would have been, "Only, and I mean only, because I have to." I think that would have crushed her soul though because she was from France and the longer she stayed in America, the more she seemed to love France.

This semester I have to deal with a completely unrealistic professor. He will randomly call on people to answer questions, and if you don't know the answer he will just sit there and stare at you, waiting for you to figure it out. The only problem is this isn't a math class. You can stare at me all you want, but I am not going to be suddenly endowed with what the word "tomorrow" is in French from the foreign language Gods up above. You can stare and stare and stare, but I'm not going to suddenly figure it out somehow. You either know it, or you don't. So please leave me alone.

He also speaks only in French. I know, it's good to hear the language and yatta yatta. The thing is, that most Americans don't even know the grammar rules of our own language, so trying to teach us another languages grammar rules, while speaking that language, essentially gets you nowhere. He is always confused as to why we are lost. It's a mystery clearly.

I always feel like a child in foreign language classes. Mostly because my "essays" read like something you would write in first grade. They also make me sound completely egocentric because I can't really redirect the topic to anything other than relating to myself.

"My name is Jessica. I am 20 years old. I go to school. I do homework. I meet with friends on the weekend. I eat pizza a lot. It tastes good. I like to run. It is fun. I like to dance. It is also fun. I have a dog. My dog is named Cuddles. I have two cats. My cats are named Snickers and Butterscotch. I have a sister. My sisters name is Emily...." ect. I think you get the point.

Foreign language professors also always completely shocked when you can't remember something that you learned months ago. "Why can't you remember the word for a homeless person in French? We went over that three chapters ago!" Well maybe because the word for a homeless person is not use regularly in my vocabulary. Yes this actually happened to me. The professor was amazed that no one in the class could remember. I was taught the word for homeless person, but I still don't know what the word for basic things are like plate or hand.

So for all of you that are fluent in another language I applaud you because I will never be you. 

On my ipod today: "Smooth" by Santana. Stuck in my head all day yesterday. Luckily it's an awesome song.

Tripping: Part Three

 Work: I knew it was only a matter of time before I fell down at work one day. We literally run around like chickens with our heads cut off trying to complete orders as fast as possible. We do all of this while carrying hot beverages in our hands. I'm too accident prone for this type of setting. But the good news is that I actually kind of like this story because while I may have fallen down, I do show off some ninja moves as well.

The place I used to work at was known for spilling things all of the time. It just came with carrying around drinks all of the time while people ran around you. Since we spilled so often, the store became very efficient at cleaning up a mess in record time. Spills don't even cause a commotion. Someone just yells out "spill!" and before you can look at where it is, there is someone with a mop and bucket cleaning it up.

So on this one particular day at work, there was an air-show going on literally right across the street from the fast food place I worked at. It also happened to be close to 90 outside, so all day we were extremely busy. This was the second day of the air show, and since I had also worked nonstop for 12 hours the day before for the first day of the air-show, I was getting to be really tired partly through the day. 

The store is the fullest I have ever seen it before. There are people backed up to outside of the store waiting to get in. It was absolute chaos. People were hot and tired and for some reason they felt this gave them a right to treat everyone working there like crap. They were very impatient, so I tried to work as quickly as I could. Never piss of hot, tired, and fat customers. They are the worst. 

There were so many people coming in and out, we couldn't stock our products fast enough. I was constantly going into the backroom to get various items that kept running out. At one point my manager asked me to go back and get another tray of glazed donuts. So I did, and somewhere between the point of my going into the backroom and coming back, one of my coworkers had managed to both spill something, and clean it up, before I got back.

So I'm carrying this tray of donuts and of course I slipped on the extremely slippery tile floor that was recently mopped. All of the donuts went flying straight up into the air. I actually fell on my butt instead of my face for once, so I could see all of the donuts hanging in the air around me. I took my tray and tried to save as many as possible. 

What is the first thing that my coworker says to me after all of this? Not, "Are you okay?" but rather, "That was amazing! You managed to save all of those donuts except for two! How did you do that?!" The entire store stopped to stare at me. I guess the customers didn't know they would be getting a dinner and a show that day. It's good to know that when it comes down to it, I will always try to save the food no matter how much my butt hurts. I learned something about myself that day.

On my ipod today: Today is really a parody. "Shoot A Russian Unicorn" by A Bad Lip Reading. It's hilarious and everyone needs a smile today I feel like :)

Tripping: Part Two

College Freshmen English Class: The more I write, the more I have come to realize that many of my embarrassing stories come from English course related things. I should be more careful in these settings.

I was in this one English class freshmen year of college that was an introductory course. It was a basic "how you read and interpret literature" class taught by an extremely old professor. He was old school in everything he did. He would often tell us about how his son bought him a cell phone, but he never used it because he couldn't figure out how to turn it on. My guess was that it really just needed to be charged, but no one in the class ever tried to help him out. Personal experience has taught me that you should always avoid situations of trying to teach old people technology.

So as part of this introductory course, we had to go to the library during one class to learn how to research. Since he knew that people would be inclined to skip this class, our professor made it mandatory to go to it. If not, he would take points off of your grade.

Well being the nerd that I am, I always get to class early. I knew that my class started at 10:30 so I started up the hill for the library around 10:15. I was about half way up the hill when I realized my class didn't start at 10:30, it started at 10. I have absolutely no idea why I got the time wrong on that particular day, but that's what happened. So of course I start booking it up the hill and by the time I got to the top I was extremely over heated and took my coat off. 

So I'm carrying my coat in my arms with my backpack bobbing up and down on my back as I speed walk around the library trying to find the right room. When I finally get there, I notice that the only seats available are those that require me to walk all the way across the room. Of course everyone was staring at me because basically anything in the world is more exciting that learning how to research things. But more than anyone in the room I could feel my professors eyes burning into me with all of the disgust known to mankind.

I'm so flustered and embarrassed that I don't really watch where I am walking. I proceeded to trip over someone's backpack lying on the ground , sending both my coat and backpack flying into the air in front of me, as I landed straight on my face. Up until this point the librarian had been ignoring my presence, despite the fact that everyone was staring at me instead of her. But I made such a commotion falling down that she had to stop her lecture to make sure I was alright before continuing on. There was no laughter at this fall. Just stunned silence. I think it was way worse. I just kept smiling away as if nothing had happen. It was really my only option.

Happy 11/11/11! I hope all of your wishes come true because you deserve to have all of your wishes come true <3

On my ipod today: "Turning Tables" by Adele. Anyone who makes fun of Adele for being overweight should go crawl up into a hole in the ground and stay there because society no longer wants you. Adele is an extremely talented poet and singer and deserves our admiration, not criticism.

Tripping: Part One

I trip a lot. I'm not unlike many people in this way, however for me tripping and falling down usually occur in an extremely public setting. Off the top of my head I can think of three major instances, excluding the one mentioned in Grace (or lack there of). I will therefore make this a three part post. Check in the next few days for the other two stories. 

9th Grade Freshman Soccer Game: I was never the greatest soccer player. I suppose I just lacked the aggression necessary to mercilessly barrel through troves of people in order to get a ball into net. I was often yelled at by my coach for apologizing to the people I ran into or accidentally knocked down. "Stop apologizing! You're SUPPOSED to run into people sometimes!" 

Subsequently, I often found myself sitting on the bench. Not that I would tell any of my family members this, but I preferred the bench.  There was too much pressure on the field. It often felt like whenever I was put into the game, it was a question of when I would mess up, not if.

So of course during this one particular game I was sitting on the bench as normal. Now whenever I lose interest in something, or have something important on my mind, I tend to let my mind completely wonder to the point where I forget where I am or what I'm doing. I can't remember what I was thinking about during this particular game, but I can tell you this- it wasn't the soccer game.

While I am completely in my own world, I hear my coach yell my name, telling me to start warming up. It came as surprise to me because I wasn't really paying attention to anything around me at the time. So this put me in such a panic that I tried to take off my sweatpants and stand up at the same time. I got a few steps before completely landing on my face.

The game must have been more boring than I thought, because at that point all of the parents there burst into laughter, with my parents being the loudest. They started laughing so loudly, that the game stopped for half a second. Luckily both teams were too concerned that the other team would take advantage of the sudden stop in play, so they both got back into the game fairly quickly. Unfortunately, this didn't erase the fact that I had just created a spectacle out of myself in front of an entire audience. Can't fall down in the locker room trying to get my sweatpants off. No, I have to do it in front of an entire crowd of people.
 

On my ipod today: "Passerby" by Dispatch. I love songs that make you think.